Friday, June 4, 2010

Breaking Point

I think I might be there. I'm not sure how much a person is supposed to handle before cracking. Recap: February - Emma rushed to Childrens' Mercy Hospital (CMH) in an ambulance with bad concussion. She doesn't remember the ride, the CT scan, or a large part of her overnight stay. Scared the heebee jeebees out of me. I remember standing in the neighbor's yard, waiting for the ambulance to show up and begging God not to take my girl. I had no idea how bad the damage was, I just knew it was bad. It was, but not as bad as it could have been - there was no bleeding, and for that, I was thankful. She dealt with severe headaches for a few months, but now seems to be doing much better. April - I couldn't sleep, so when Emma kept telling Alta to be quiet at 5 am, I went to see what was up. I couldn't wake up my beautiful 8.5 year old daughter. My heart ripped out of my chest, then splattered on the floor right before panic set in. Again, begging with the Lord not to rip something precious from me. Again, He was merciful. She got her own dark of night ride to CMH, a CT scan, and lots of lab work. She has epilepsy, but she's doing well. She'll have to deal with this, and make concessions for in her life for some time, but we're all good. June - My dog, Sirius, is sick. He was sick (almost like this) a little over a year ago and almost died. He's been sick since Wednesday night, he was doing well yesterday, but threw up again today. He's not doing so well at keeping things down. He's on anti-vomit medication now, and antibiotics. If there's not improvement tomorrow, we have to move onto x-rays. The vet did lab work to check his kidney levels, and got an injection of the anti-vomit meds. Not much useful came from the tests. He's home taking it easy right now, but this needs to work. I already spent money that's not there. I don't have it for x-rays. Not after the year we've had. I'm scared I'm going to loose my dog because we can't even find out what's wrong with him. AND THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. It's possible we can find something we can take care of, but I can't even get that far. I'm already crying that I may have to put my 1.5 year old dog to sleep. You can't argue with zero. I can't argue with my husband, he can't say yes - it's impossible for him to do so. I can't do anything, and that's what's most upsetting. If this were a person there would be options. I have no options and that's dismal. I'm so close to my breaking point. I know it won't take much more to go over. The only silver lining - at least it's not a kid again, but it's a close second.


  1. im sorry you are having a lousy past few months. I don't think there is much i can say to help ease the pain and and problems going on in your life. I wish i was there to help comfort you and offer you hugs. I will have to do it from long distant. I love you very much and you are one of the closest people i know who is very close to our Heavenly Father. Pray always and if it is meant to happen it will!!! Have faith and stay strong!! Love your sister!!

  2. Oh, Alta!!! I love you! My heart breaks for you! Even if you had a million dollars, it would not take away the situation... and here's a thought... you could be saying...."all this money and I still can't change a thing!"

    Poor in the pocket does not mean poor in spirit, and you, my friend, are not poor in spirit! I'm praying for the puppy! I know it is so hard to watch them suffer. Heavenly Father knows their needs, he loves his animals as well as their people! Stay strong! I love you!

  3. Oh, I am so sorry. They say trials come in threes, so although this is horribly heartbreaking, maybe the sun is about to peak out of these dark skies.

    I'll keep you in my prayers. I know the words won't make it feel better, but remember that he doesn't test us more than he knows we can handle. He must think you VERY strong.

    Hang in there!